Africa Always Wins
by Eugene6022
Summary: Why are the hunger games unfair? Because Africa always wins. This will make fun of the Hunger games. Please flame, review, pm, am, whatever, enjoy (or hate, but please enjoy hating)


**Hey! I will be making fun of the Hunger Games in this fanfiction. Don't like, flame. Do like, don't flame, do flame, lots and lots of flames. I don't care.**

**If you name one of my references, you get a point. If you get a point, you can give me a reference to put in the story.**

**I don't own.**

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In a city, nay, a town. NAY! A district, many many years in the future. A district awaits with baited breath for a tribute to be called.

One boy, one girl from each district.

What a corrupt society, I reflected. 24 tributes. In a land that used to be called the United States of America. 24 children are about to die.

It was the 74th annual hunger games and I stood with the rest of district 12 (which, evidently, only has about 100 people) while Effie trinket roamed her bejeweled hand around the reaping balls.

Ha, reaping balls. I caught Gale's eye (who is the only person not named after a food group- his parents were original people.) Gale made an attractive face. Well, he always makes the same attractive face. He stares at you with his stormy, gale force wind eyes, and then looks off pensively into the distance.

I mouthed "reaping balls" and Gale's smized. If this were still the United States of America, he would be a male model.

"Primrose Insert-flower-name-here Everdeen!" My heart lept, like an elephant cant. Elephants can't leap. See, I go to school, so I know things. Also, before he hunted, my dad toured Africa in a safari. My dad sprouted useless fun facts all the time. That's why I'm named after a root and my sister is named after an ugly flower. He thought they were fun. And factual.

Which brings me back to my earlier point. "I volunteer!" The elephant in my chest stopped trying to leap. And because I liked the attention (and the attractive stormy eyes that silently shouted 'Shit!') I repeated myself. "I volunteer as tribute."

I walked up to the stage, only tripping slightly. I stood next to Effie Trinket. I think she was amazed. I tend to have the effect on people.

Gale is amazed by me. I remember the first time we became friends. We had met earlier, and he had thought my name was "Katnip."

After that, I had begun stalking him in the woods. Yes, I could have been hunting for animal, or feeding my family, but there are many deers, and only one attractive, completely stalkable male in my woods.

So, I followed him. Then one day he noticed. Turns out, he thought I was a deer. Well, he shot me with an arrow. After my mother used a bunch of fancy herbs like cilantro, she threatened to sew. So, Gale and I became best friends. I don't know how it happened, but I am grateful for his company and for the occasional bread that he gets.

"Peeta Yes-like-the-bread Mellark!" A boy that I also have stalked walked onto the stage.

He was cute. Like, I would hook up with him. But Gale, now Gale is attractive. It is completely illogical for me to marry Peeta, not Gale.

However, people don't mistake Peeta for my cousin, so theres a plus.

After saying goodbye to my mother who I don't really like very much and my sister who is a complete wimp. Also, she's 13, acts like a duck, and still sits on my lap. We can't afford mental health care.

Panem is the most unfair government in the world.

(a conversation with Gale)

_"What has Panem ever done for us?"_

_"Well, we do have a universal education system, little corruption, and an AMAZINGLY small population, which is not enforced and was not conceived through genocide."_

_"But BESIDES that!"_

_"Well, we have an impressively active and free communist society. Also, we are in no wars with other countries, and we rule the entire United States of America, which would mean that we own approximately 3 million square miles worth of land that we are not using."_

_"Yes, but BESIDES THAT!"_

_"Well-"_

_"Shut up Katniss, nobody asked you."_

As I was thinking of the good times with my best friend, Haymitch walks in.

He is a drunk bastard, and I have no respect for him what so ever. I do have to admit that he is pretty attractive, in a sort of ruggedly handsome, way too young to be old kind of way.

"Any pep talks coach?" I asked. Everyone began laughing hysterically. Everyone in my chair at least. After everyone was done cracking up at my hilariousness, I realized that Haymitch was talking.

"Hey, sweetheart-"

"That's sexual harassment Haymitch!" Effie shrieked.

"Do you think I give a crap?"

"Ha" Peeta laughed. It was the first time he'd ever actually said anything in my presence. I think he's just nervous. Boys tend to get that way around me. It can't be helped.

Everyone looked at him. I noticed that Haymitch had the same eyes as Gale. "Poop." Peeta began. "Poop is the color of brown. But what is a name? That color which we call brown would still be the same color as poop by any other name."

We all stood in awestruck silence for a moment. I felt tears spring to my eyes. Effie had no restraint, and simply burst into sobbing.

"That was...beautiful." Haymitch marveled. Peeta nodded his eyes shining with unshed tears.

I noticed that they were brown. But no, not brown. That which we call brown will always be the color of poop.

Gale's eyes may have been gray, like the storm for which he was named, but Peeta was all together more beautiful just because of his poop eyes.

"Wow." I breathed, and I felt myself fall for the boy with the shit.


End file.
